As ridiculous advice goes, this is up there with the most ridiculous advice ever given. The TODAY Show has such an enormous audience, I find it appalling that they would offer the following advice to so many people. It’s so a$$-backward, it’s sure to get someone killed if they follow it.
The advice is given by Wallace Zeins, who was a New York police detective and hostage negotiator for 22 years. Let’s pick apart his key pieces of advice of what you should do -in his professional opinion- if you are ever a victim of a home invasion.
1) Use your car keys as an alarm
“Most people don’t realize this, but they leave their car keys downstairs,” Zeins said. “Bring your car keys up. Alarm systems are very expensive, and this is a loud one. All you have to do is hit the keys. They don’t realize it, but it’s the best alarm system, and doesn’t cost them a penny.”
First off, a home alarm system is not expensive in 2014. Hell, the alarm on my home is over 20 years old and costs less than $300 a year. And how about this: Honestly, when is the last time you thought “oh no, something must be wrong” when you heard a car alarm go off at night? You’re more likely to think “who is the idiot that doesn’t know how to use their car alarm?” It may scare the intruder away, but it isn’t going to bring anyone to your home wondering if you’re alright.
Moreover, what if you sleep through the initial break-in? The point of a house alarm is to alert not only the police, but yourself in case someone breaks in. Wouldn’t you want to know the second an intruder entered your home, or do you want to wait until they’re at your bedroom door so you can hit your panic button? Sorry folks, I’m going with option A. Then after the alarm goes off, I’m grabbing my gun.
2) Keep Wasp Spray By Your Bed
Zeins also suggests keeping another item in your bedroom: “Buy a can of wasp hornet spray in the hardware store or the supermarket, keep it by your bedside or the floor,” he said. “It’s more powerful than police Mace.
“The great part is, when you spray, it will go 20 to 25 feet,” Zeins added. An intruder hit with the spray will be temporarily blinded. Please check your state and local laws on the legality of using these sprays for self-defense.
The first thing with this gem is that, unless used for killing wasps, it’s against federal law to use the spray for any other purpose. Go ahead and read the warning on your label. So in theory, he’s suggesting you commit a crime. That may be stretching it, I know. But it’s true.
Second, The Blaze points out an occasion where someone did just that. They only pissed off the intruder when they sprayed him. The thing that eventually stopped him was a knife, and it stopped him permanently.
Also, I’d love to see the study that proves wasp spray is more effective than police Mace. If that’s the case, police should be walking around prepared to take on wasps all day.
That photoshop job was rushed, but you get the point. Next, tip #3 is sure to do the trick if the above two suggestions fail.
3) “Treat them like royalty”
“You tell them exactly where it is. You want to get them out of there as quickly as you can,” he said. “Remember, treat them like royalty. On top of that, you don’t want to lie to them.”
I swear, I didn’t make #3 up. It’s in the article.
Treating an intruder ‘like royalty’ and cooperating them is only going to make them feel more inclined to repeat the crime, don’t you think? “Wow, this was pretty easy”, said the intruder. “I’ll continue to do this, look at how accommodating they were, and look at all this stuff I stole!”
Again, this advice is ridiculous.
I worked in the banking industry for the better part of 10 years. I know all too well that, for no reason at all, a robber or intruder will kill you just for the hell of it. You give them all they want, then BANG. You’re dead.
If your thing is to go out withering in the corner, by all means follow these instructions. If your thing is to stand up for your life, your family, your home and your possessions, then I suggest another option to handle a home invasion:
Now, here is possibly the most obscene thing about this whole thing; firearms aren’t mentioned once as a viable method of defending yourself against a home intruder. Really, not a single mention.
Do you want my advice?
It’s 3-part advice, and it’s easy and fun.
Step 1: Buy yourself a home defense shotgun
Step 2: Learn how to use your new shotgun at the range
Step 3: Keep your new shotgun in a safe location in your home
I really didn’t think that anyone could give worse advice than Joe Biden did a few years back (see video below), but I’ve just been proven wrong.